Can Counseling Change Sex Preference?

This is the question posed in our local paper's "Woman to Woman" collumn. Well, I have the answer to this question.

The answer is no. Counseling cannot change anyone--but God can.

Let me give you a little bit of background on why I feel this way. You see, I had a friend when I was a teenager, who made a conscious choice to leave the homosexual lifestyle behind when he became a Christian. For about six months, he was a completely different person. He was a fervent, alive, on-fire Christian. Now, keep in mind, he had been a practicing, closet homosexual up until the point when a street minister witnessed to him outside of the gay bar that he frequented (even though he was underage) and brought him to the Lord.

He was this way for about six months. We had a very close relationship, but I knew nothing about his former life at that time. His parents were seldom together and his mother was a binge-alcoholic, so his home-life was not the greatest. But I thought that things were going pretty well for him otherwise. He was in the top 10 % of his high school class and very popular. We were applying to the same college and preparing, I thought, to get him out of that situation, somewhat.

What happened? Well, life got hard. There were some problems at school, and he came home from his part-time job one night to find his mother drunk and his father gone. Confused, heartbroken, and angry he found himself right back where he had started--at the gay bar.

You see, my friend was like the seed that fell on rocky ground in the story Jesus told about the sower. "But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while; for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended." Matthew 13:20-21

It is easier to live a life of sin sometimes than to trust the Lord with the difficulties of this life. My friend chose to escape back into the depths God pulled him from, rather than to wait for the bright future God had in store for him. I believe with all my heart that his beliefs were sincere and I believe with all my heart that God changed him for as long as he allowed God to.

That's the key. God can change anything about us, as long as we let Him. It's part of this marvelous free will we have as human beings, we can only be changed when we choose to surrender. When we give God control of our lives, He will make of us beautiful examples of His love and grace. He will take away the temptations for things that don't glorify Him. The problem is, often we give God control just long enough to get things partially right. Then we stop letting Him drive. We take over again and don't look to God again until we are upside-down in the ditch.

But if we stay focused on God, we will not doubt His power to deliver us from any temptation. We will have roots. Go ahead and tell me that my friend was born homosexual and just denied that portion of himself for the time I was close to him. But I was there and I know he was different. His focus was in the right place for a time.

I do not believe that people are born gay. I believe that some people are born with more temptation in that direction than others. But temptation is not the same as activity and the activity is the sin. Aside from all that, I believe that God could save me from being left-handed if that was a sin. If we truly believe that God can do anything, God can deliver us from anything that does not bring Him glory. Homosexuality does not bring God glory. It causes pain. Ask me how I know.

I don't know if I've ever been as heartbroken as I was when I found out what my friend had done. He turned completely away from God. He turned completely away from anyone who was close to him before. He knew God would not accept his behavior. No one had to tell him it was sinful. He knew. If he thought it was okay he would have continued to be the fervent Christian he always was. He didn't.

I know this is a sad story. I wish I could tell you that my friend turned back to God. I would like to tell you that he finished college and married some beautiful girl he met there. I would like to tell you that he has a wonderful life and is the fervent Christian that I once knew. But I simply don't know. I went off to college and he disappeared. He moved away and the last I knew, he hadn't changed.

I do know this, when God is control of a life, He can change anybody. He can turn anybody from anything. That's who God is. We only have to let Him drive.

Marley-Speak

Lewis is always telling me I need to write down some of the things Marley says so we won't forget them. In an effort to do so, I thought I would share some of her more recent favorite phrases.

• "Can me hep you?"--When I'm cooking supper usually, but at other very inappropriate times--when I'm changing Laney's dirty diaper, painting my toe-nails, etc.
• "You know, Mommy, sometimes Aney hits me too."--Keep in mind that Marley does not pronounce L's. Also, to truly get the effect of this one, imagine Marley with her head slightly tilted, doing a slow nod, eyebrows raised.
• "You been seepy ong time."--This was one Saturday morning when everyone was up already but me. Mommys don't get to sleep in very often.
• "Ain, Ain, go a-ay, come again a-udder day"--Repeat until rain slacks off.
• "The ain stopped, Mommy. Cause me go, 'Ain, ain, go a-ay,' like dat."
• "Aunt Iz put cucumbers in the simmin poo"--This one took me a while to figure out, then like a bolt of lightning, I realized she meant chemicals. "Marley do you mean, Aunt Liz put chemicals in the swimming pool?" "Yes, chemicas."
• "It not fumpa at the ata pock."--"It's not thundering at the water park."
• "When Aney get a itta bigger, she can jump off the taba and not get hurt, ike dis!"--The favorite pasttime around our house lately is jumping off things. The table in question was the coffee table.
• "Me can say Ewdis!"--She was very offended when I was trying to get her to pronounce the L in Lewis' name.
• "Daddy, did you hear, me going to pe-schoo?"--She was very excited when I first told her she would be starting preschool in a few weeks.
• "Da ains came down and the fuds came up."--She sings the song about the wise man and the foolish man about all the time now. Unless she's singing--
• "Take da key and ock her up, ock her up, ock her up. My pare ady!"
• "Me uv you!"--What more can I say?