How Sarah Made a Big Mess

It's not as if she lost faith in the promise.
She had forgotten it belonged to her.
She knew that Abraham would father a nation.
She never doubted that.
But she was impatient,
And walking to the market she would see them,
with their bundles of wiggly flesh
And wonder, why should the wait be so,
so,
Long . . .
everlong.
And why she should be so old.
And when her time was passed,
She began to believe that the promise
was not hers, but Abraham's alone.
So she thought,
"No. I'll not wait my whole life to see this thing,
this promise come to be and then die before it's so!
It's not as if Abraham is perfect.
'Tell them you're my sister.'
Fine mess that got us into.
This time maybe we should go with MY idea.
And if . . .if it's not to be me . . .
(Oh, is God just waiting till I'm dead?
Surely Abraham is, by now.)
If it's to be someone else anyway,
Why shouldn't I choose?
Get to see it!
At least the beginning
and hear the tiny cries,
count tiny toes,
and stare into tiny eyes.
After all, it is so easy.
Hagar is right here . . . "
But, when the plan was complete,
The constant reminder was too much to bear.
"Father a nation, will you!"
And she never imagined the tiny cries
would carry to her soul
"Too old! Useless! Not yours!"
And while the pain of the exclusion
sunk into her bones
and filled her with hatred
where she thought love would be
she was still the mother of a promise,
a start-up nation,
and the beginning of the biggest plan ever devised.
The promise was still hers, as it had always been.
She could have loved Ishmael,
welcomed Hagar with open arms,
but HER promise still remained unfilled.
And she finally remembered it was hers.
Coming back in humility from self-doubt.