News from the Trenches (or Potty Training 101)

Would you like to hear how potty training my two-year old is going? Okay. I'll tell you.

Not great.

She's a very smart child and she knows the principal. She will even tell you, (at the dinner table, at your mom's house) that big girls go pee-pee in the doddy. (that's "potty" for those of you who do not speak two-year-old) and babies go pee-pee in a diapa ("diaper").

Here's where the problem comes in. Her 1 year old sister gets to wear a diaper and has absolutely no potty responsibilities. So why should one be expected to do what the other is not? My two-year old has figured this out. She's not budging.

My baby, on the other hand, has decided that the potty is absolutely fascinating. It's great to splash in and put shoes in and rinse your toys off in. Just a great place to play, until the Mommy-monster finds you and goes into a fit of "Oh no, Laaaaaaaaneeeeeeey! UGGGH!" and scolds and spanks and washes you and whatever you have decided to bathe there.

The reason she has the freedom to slip off and do this is because she is as quick as lightning. So, we have to shut the bathroom door to keep her out of there. That's easy enough, but then Marley will have to pee and she can't open the door yet. Yet another difficulty in parenting children so close in age (11 months).

Last week, I talked to a mother of a little girl who is one-month older than Marley. Her little girl is completely trained. "I just started putting her on the potty when she started walking," she says to me. Well, isn't that just where I made my mistake? Marley was 9-months-old when she started walking and I was 7 months pregnant. Potty training wasn't high on my list of priorities at that time.

The other answer I hear all the time is just to wait and train them together. Laney is not ready for that. Plus, I can just imagine how that will go. Double your accidents, double your fun!

I should give Marley credit. She is making progress. Last weekend she wore panties all weekend long with only one or two accidents. She even remembered to tell my mother-in-law she needed to go to the potty when she was playing in the pool. That's something that even big kids don't do all the time.

I know it won't be long until this will just be a memory. It's hard to wait for your children to accomplish things like this though. It reminds me of the weeks we waited for Marley and Laney to begin walking. Everyday you wonder if it will be the day that they finally take those first steps. And when they finally take off, you can't even remember what it was like before.

Tides of Luck

My sunday school teacher is always saying that her life is not run by tides of luck. Luck is such a natural human inclination, isn't it? We believe that someone is lucky if they live in a big house or drive a fancy car or basically, have anything we would like to have but don't.

But luck is really not a reality, is it? No one is born lucky. Most people born with wealth will have to do some amount of work (or at least some financial planning) in order to keep that wealth. Most people born without those advantages have opportunities along the way to acquire such things (to some extent).

The sunday school teacher mentions this when she talks about God's providence. Sometimes, I'm not even so sure we can trust that. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I don't trust God. But I do have a lot of questions. The Bible says that God is working out his plan for good for those that love him. I've seen a lot of people who love the Lord have to go through some very tough things. How can God be working for good for everyone who loves him? Good for some is bad for others. We believe in fairness. But God is not fair. In the afterlife, we all have the same shot, but in this one there is no fairness.

And that's where our logic sometimes fails. My children are not even three years old yet and they believe in fairness. I cannot give something to one of them that I don't give to the other. I can't punish one for something and let the same thing slide with the other. They won't accept that. That's why I feel that I can question God a little bit on this one. He has made us to expect fairness, but He doesn't give it to us.

I have two beautiful children. I love them unconditionally. I want the very best for them. I can't afford to provide that all the time. My boss has two children that have never had to wait for anything. They will have all of the advantages that children with money have. They will go to college. They will have a car when they are sixteen. They will always have anything they want.
And as hard as I try, my children will likely not have all those comforts. That's not fair.

However, my having two children is not fair either. Recently, a couple at the church where I work had twins that were born extremely premature--a boy and a girl. They had tried for years to have children with no success. The boy will likely live, but with cerebal palsey. The girl died night before last. That's not fair. These are good people. At least as nice as I am. They are faithful to their church, hard workers and able to provide a home beyond anything I can ever give my children. But here they are, not only unable to have a normal child, but steeped in all this PAIN of losing one and raising a diabled one. It's just not fair. And they have a right to be mad about it. Don't you think?

No, it's not wise to trust tides of luck. And what God promises us is this--He will be with us what ever happens and it will all turn out right in the end. Beyond that, we're on our own.