Conflict

Yesterday a young lady stopped by the office whom I had not seen in quite awhile. About three years ago, while she was pregnant with her second child, this lady's husband left her for another woman and stole a substantial sum of money from his parents and other sources. Her husband served jail time and has since married his mistress and lives elsewhere. He has nothing to do with his daughters.

Like I said, this was the first time I had seen her in quite awhile. She's a very tall, very thin lady and quite attractive. My immediate thought was, "Why would he leave her? She's so thin." Now, why would I think like that? As I said, he was a thief, and a liar and a lot of other things. But in the back of my mind, I'm blaming the breakdown of their relationship on something like size. That's just twisted.

The more I've thought about the more I realize that this is a conditioned response I'm having. But I don't really know where it's coming from. I mean, I know that happiness has nothing to do with size and that relationships are not all based on physical appearance. But in the back of my mind there is still a small voice that seems to say that if you are not thin, you are not lovable.

I'm not a large person. I'm all of 5'3" and weigh about 145 pounds. The heaviest I've ever been was when I was pregnant. When I checked in at the hospital (both times) I weighed 182 pounds. Heaviest weight I've maintained without being pregnant was about 155 pounds. The lightest I've ever been was in college. I weighed 132 pounds when I was dating my college boyfriend, and lost about 5 more pounds when he dumped me. So weight has never been a real struggle for me. But I love food, so I know that someday it may be.

That being said, this is a real conflict that I think this way. Because, if I were to really pack on the weight, this would lead me to think that Lewis would have every right to leave me. This also shows that somewhere deep down inside, I have a prejudice against fat people. It also makes me wonder how I would feel if one of my girls were to struggle with her weight.

I guess I need to pray about this attitude. I'm sure part of this has come from the size-obsessed society in which we live. But that's no excuse. People are who they are, regardless of what their bodies look like.

Until next time. . .